Posts Tagged ‘My Life’

My New DIet

Posted: December 5, 2012 in Uncategorized
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I know you are thinking this is a easy tip as to how you can get a booty like mine but it isn’t about food. It is about your mind, and heart. So as for many of those who know me well know that my love life, or lack there of is kinda blah. So I decided to go on a diet, a date diet.

For the next two months I am restricting myself from attempting to date, and or get to know guys. I know this sounds crazy but in all honesty that focus and energy needs to be put into myself. Every week I am going to do something by myself (or with friends) that I REALLY want to do. Weather it is, Shopping, going to a movie, taking a dance class, or just going on a little adventure.

I see it as this, if I can’t enjoy my time by myself how is someone going to enjoy their time with me. All that Grindr, A4A, and etc isn’t good for ones, mind, and or social skills. It is OK to mingle and talk to new people, just don’t jump on this, “Oh he fine lemme holla at him” bandwagon.

A friend said, “What about when you need to fulfill your lust-full needs”? I said, “That is what the Internet is for, watch a movie, spill some kids and you good”. The whole point is to focus on YOU. so here is to day 4.

So  know I havent updated my blog in QUITE sometime. I have written MANY pieces then kept them as drafts because I didn’t want to come off whiney or too personal. then I said man fuck it. Its MY HOME MY LAND (Said in my Whitney Houston voice)

So Summer has come and went, I had quite an eventful summer. I saw Britney, Patti, and Kylie. Had awesome moments from every concert.

Britney really kicked off my Summer. Sacramento was the first stop on her, “Femme Fatale Tour”. Such an amazing tour and a MAJOR upgrade from the, “Circus” tour.

Nicki Minaj opening for Britney.

Nicki Minaj, opened for Britney. She was something else.

Such an EPIC show. I LOST MY MIND when Britney came on stage. For those who know me you know I have been a hard, Britney fan for years.

I also had the opportunity to see the LEGENDARY Patti Labelle. I was turned onto Patti Labelle by the Infamous, Patti Lahelle Youtube videos.

The shade, The SHADE, THE SHADE! My friends and I quote this video DAILY. The sass and attitude that Lahelle, infuses in Patti made me start to like the real Patti Labelle.

Not only did Patti WOW me with her vocals, She sang my song, OVER THE RAINBOW! There was a segment where she brought fans on stage, on fan stole the show. Sweet Honey brought her, “Wet Seal”, spanx showin self on stage, and SHOWED HER ASS! Now Miss Patti, did NOT let her get too off the hook. She went Gangsta on her ass, and that made me fall in love with her even more.

A MESS!

I turned 26 this year. For a minute I went into a, “Oh My god I am getting old where is my life going” depression. I got over it. I realized I have come a LONG way from when I was 18. I also made some new fabulous friends and also had the opportunity to see, Wendy Williams.

This summer my good friend Sharnie got married, and my good friend Jamilah was having a girl. So many things so many good times

Here is to some more good times.

So for those of you that have been paying attention to my habits lately you would realize that I have become quite the gym rat. Eating tons of calories and working out. My life has become obsessive with my body. I stopped for a second and thought to myself, “What am I doing this all for”.

I paid  a trainer for the first time to whip my butt into shape and boy was it a good investment. I am not going to lie it feels good turning the heads of those who wouldn’t pay me any mind. Then the thought came to my head, “If I have to do all this and stick to a script then whats going to happen when I mess up my lines?”

I’m at the gym I look over to my left and I see the group of twinks that I kinda know, but don’t really know, but only know one of them. They all have the designer work out gear, and here I am with just an old tee and some shorts. So I switch it up bought some new gear then while leaving the gym this guy gives me his number. I didn’t call it because quite frankly I didn’t know what to do.

So days go by I text him he texted me back. He was a cute latin guy mid to late 20s. I kept the convo cute and light then he dropped the bomb. “I’m married”. THe FUCK! I just deleted the number didn’t want to cuss him out and get my blood pressure all up.

Do I look like my name is Leanne Rhymes? I do NOT want to feel the wrath of a married woman. Plus my inner paranoia would kill me before she even got to me. I just cant do it. I kind of feel like the nerd in high school that once the hot chicks got to her and gave her a push up bra and a weave she got attention. The question is, “Is it the attention I want”?

Honestly I don’t like morphing myself to fit an equation. That’s kind of basic. I also don’t like being single. Yes I know I’m ranting.

I have been single for 25 years (I don’t count those little brief dating stints as actual real relationships), and I know what your thinking, “Why are you so obsessive about it”. It’s always the ones who have experienced it that say that.

I just kind of stopped myself and said, “What the fuck are you doing”? “Why are you trying so hard”? People always say oh don’t worry about it blah blah. It’s just that it is thrown in my face almost every day. My good friend is getting married and she was like, “You should bring a date”. I was like ummm…. whats that? lol

It’s like its always thrown in my face at many given moments. Like this week when I was in the city for Janet Jackson, (Which was an amazing concert) we went to the castro to dance. My good friend was like, “Go mingle talk”. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone I kind of just wanted to dance and just be.

I never realized how awkwardly shy I am when it comes to dating, or just talking to a guy. I always seem to someway manage to fuck it up by saying too much or too little. You can only play the, “Lift your shirt up and show your abs game” for so long. Its like the awkward character in a teen romance movie that stutters and says the most god awful things and gets the awkward look and silence. Yep that’s me.

I feel like a social leper of sorts in this town. Friends I can get just easily. It just seems like I get stuck in that, “Friend” zone all the time. Once a guy says, “Hey gurl” to me then it’s a wrap. Quite honestly I hate that shit. It’s as if I am doomed to be the unloveable don’t tell anyone we fuckedable awkward character that is there for comic relief in someone elses love story.

I’m not asking for an instant relationship, trust I see those all the time. They date, move in, love each other, plaster the relationship for everyone to see, and before next award season they are finished and onto the next. It’s just that what the fuck am I doing wrong? I kinda feel like I am saying too much in this piece but quite frankly I could give a fuck if someone thinks less of me for writing this. Thanks for the hit lol.

So I know I am going to ruffle some feathers on this but I am going to just say it. So this is something that has been on my mind for a while. I have been trying to find a way to configure it without offending people, but then I threw that out the door.

There is a gigantic elephant in the room of the gay world. That undertone race totum pole that sadly exists in our homosexual culture. Diversity, something that we strive for in the world and that we want to teach and be accepted, is something that we still lack.

We have marched down the streets fighting for our rights to wed, and to serve in the Military. The bond that was so strong after the 2008 Elections on Proposition 8 was strong. When Prop 8 passed in California all of the marches, and protests were extremely heart warming.

The bonding of the community was strong and united to fight for the right to be treated equally. In a society that still sees us as second class citizens yet we have progressed to elect Women, and various ethnicities into office.

We have Diversity in media as well. In the heterosexual world diversity is more accepted. Yes there are still some racist pricks out there, but diversity is more flourished in the Heterosexual world.

The reason why I said HETEROSEXUAL, is because after all of the diversity I have seen in the straight world I see it lacking in the gay world.

I had an experience that still has a bitter taste in my mouth. Last summer I had a stint shorter than Farrah Franklins stay as a go-go dancer at the local gay club, “Badlands”. It was fun dancing like a hooker and getting paid. Then when I got the phone call that they were letting me go because they “couldn’t afford” the new dancers something seemed eerily fishy.

I walk in there the next week and there are four new dancers not a single one darker than a shade of a paper bag. Now I know what your thinking, “Why are you making this a race thing”. It just seemed fishy, I got along with all the staff, patrons loved me and I made good tips. My friend Danny was telling me how his friend is a Dj there and the owner told him not to play too much “Ghetto” music.

His definition of ghetto is any song by a black artist that is not Beyoncé, Mariah, Whitney, or Rihanna and not laced over a techno beat. That statement itself pissed me off. Then I noticed that the advertisements, and promo posters for the club do not feature any Black models. All of the models are white, or latin.

The owner should have just said, “I don’t want any of those hoodrats in my damn club” and been done with it. It’s this underlying tone in the community that just URKS THE FUCK OUT OF ME. What makes me even more angry is that it’s so norm now that people actually accept it.

The only reason I still go out is because in Sacramento there are only a few venues for gays to go to and let their hair down. I could say, “I’m not giving those mothafuckas my money” and stay home but where would I go? Outside of the lavender heights district I also notice this subtle shade.

The lack of Black portrayal in gay culture creates this stigma that we aren’t good enough. If we aren’t Rupaul, or Tyger Tyson then they don’t really want us. I don’t like segregation. This is not 1956. I have friends of ALL races and cultures. I don’t see color I see attitude, and personality.

Modern day television and media tries to portray various cultures and ethnicities and even though we have more progress to endure we have come a long way.

 

The Cast of Glee, (Courtesy of 20th Century Fox)

 

Many popular shows, like the hit, Fox show, “Glee” features various cultures, and ethnicities. Now lets address the big elephant in the room.

Have you ever noticed that most of the time when ever there is a Gay character they happen to be white? If the Character happens to be a minority then either they are a drag queen, or on the down low. I will take any gay I can get on a regular program because that’s progress. (Two steps forward, one step back)

Now it is time to address the thing that has been URKING THE HELL OUT OF ME FOR QUITE SOME TIME!

First and foremost I am HAPPY about the Progress that the Gay community has had in society. We have Networks dedicated to us. We have Magazines, and we are on everyone’s radar.

Now I am not saying I expect a full on Blackout in gay media but seriously, as a black gay man I do NOT feel represented. There is a somewhat racial totem pole in the gay community.

Whites on top, then asian/latino in second, then African-Americans. Now I know what your thinking, “Damn Clifton your being a little harsh aren’t you”?

Well take for instance the popular reality show on Logo, “The A-List:New York”. Pitched as the Gay mans version of The Real Housewives franchise, set in New York features your typical Cookie Cutter, white blond, Gym bunny, catty queens, with a latin or two in the mix.

What I don’t understand is how are you going to be in New York without ANY Black guys. NONE!

I know one of them is married to a black man but still. NONE! I’m sorry Logo we are ALL not Catty, gym obsessed white guys.

The Cast of Noah's Arc (Courtesy of LoGo/Viacom)

 

One show that really stuck out for me was the Amazing and Astounding, “Noah’s Arc”. The brainchild of the uber talented, Patrick Ian Polk,” Noah’s Arc”, displayed black gay men in a new light. Unlike its Predecessor, “Queer as Folk”.

“Noah’s Arc”, featured a vary of gay black men that covered the Masc, Fem, Queen, Dreamer, uppity queen, and hoe spectrum. I liked the fact that for ONCE I felt represented in gay media. The show was on the air for only two seasons but its lasting impact as positive for the black gay community.

Representing a culture is a hard thing to do. There are still many cultures who are not represented, (Native American, Indian, Russian ect). The diversity strides that we see in the heterosexual world should also be mirrored in our world. How can we ask for equality when we are not equal ourselves.

 

No I am NOT going to do the whole Passive Aggressive internet, “I’m talking about you but I am not going to say it’s about you and when you call me out on it go off on you then spin the whole story to make it your fault and display it in public form to have the whole fucking world in a discussion that could easily be solved by picking up the god damn phone”.

At times I really hate te fucking internet. It really makes you feel as though the world is smaller than what it really is. You think a guy is cute then four homo degrees of separation your turned off by the fact that they are connected to someone who you would rather not be a part of your life.

It has this weird way of fucking with your head. Then there is the Facebook, “I bet you think this post is about you”. We’ve all seen it, we’ve all done it. IT IS ANNOYING AS FUCK! There is nothing worse than having an amazing day ruined by a batch of words on a social network. Now I know what you’re saying, “Why are you letting it get to you”. Easy for you to say it but I have YET to meet someone who has not been on both ides of the table.

The blow out online in a 140 character swipe that ignites a cold war of tweets. They wont be DIRECTED to a person but mutual people in the circle would know where the shade is directed to by a simple #. Then starts the barrage of texts then a phone call.

What I do not understand is why go thru all this. Why keep internet tabs on someone IF YOU ARE NOT FRIENDS WITH THEM! Cut the ONLINE relationship off. It is as simple as a Delete and BLOCK. Many are afraid to do that in fear of a fall out so they keep tabs on each other waiting for the next swipe. WHY????? I Just DONT GET IT!

I swear the internet has become High School 2.0 for many. The once oppressed have now become the oppressors gaining major testicle weight once on a 3G/WiFi connection. It is as if we gain this, “I must swipe you before you swipe me and I am going to keep tabs on you just in case you decide to bad mouth me without mentioning me “. Cut the crap. Delete, block, and move on with your life.

There is a whole world out there that doesn’t give a flying fuck about #Shade and wondering if you’re talking about them in code and vice versa.

Learn something new everyday….

Posted: December 13, 2010 in Uncategorized
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Never tell a man you like them….i know I sound cynacle and pissy but got damnit I stand by my beleif. Never ever EVER tell a guy you like him ans NEVER post lil mushy comments on their facebook. Especially when you have a pack of queens waiting to mock you when you turn your head. Le sigh….overit.com/imgonnabuymycatsnow/done.

As the days go by the more and more I realize I am the odd man out.

I used to be more fun….

Posted: December 12, 2010 in Uncategorized
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So I have made the decision to stop drinking two months ago and it was a really good decision to make. However now im noticing I am very socially awkward. Kind of like, Kristen Stewart from, “Twilight” awkward.

Here is the guy who was the social butterfly, “Banjee Anjie”, is now, “Silent Sally”. In all situations outside of work I noticed I am very to myself closed off and silent. Im kind of sad because I feel like I lost my Mojo.

I dont feel as though I clique with anyone. I know what your saying, “just have a drink you will be fine”, I cant. I dont like the other things that come along when I am drinking.

I just hope this is a small phase or that I get some mojo or something because this is the most awkward I have felt in years.