Posts Tagged ‘Gay’

My New DIet

Posted: December 5, 2012 in Uncategorized
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I know you are thinking this is a easy tip as to how you can get a booty like mine but it isn’t about food. It is about your mind, and heart. So as for many of those who know me well know that my love life, or lack there of is kinda blah. So I decided to go on a diet, a date diet.

For the next two months I am restricting myself from attempting to date, and or get to know guys. I know this sounds crazy but in all honesty that focus and energy needs to be put into myself. Every week I am going to do something by myself (or with friends) that I REALLY want to do. Weather it is, Shopping, going to a movie, taking a dance class, or just going on a little adventure.

I see it as this, if I can’t enjoy my time by myself how is someone going to enjoy their time with me. All that Grindr, A4A, and etc isn’t good for ones, mind, and or social skills. It is OK to mingle and talk to new people, just don’t jump on this, “Oh he fine lemme holla at him” bandwagon.

A friend said, “What about when you need to fulfill your lust-full needs”? I said, “That is what the Internet is for, watch a movie, spill some kids and you good”. The whole point is to focus on YOU. so here is to day 4.

Is it really the answer to everything?

Posted: September 21, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Something you must have in order to survive, “A Man”. Sandra seems to say the thing that has been on my mind for a while. Yes I know, I know, another post about men. So lately I have been wondering, ” What the fuck am I doing wrong?”

The past few weeks I have seen everyone from friends, former crushes, and flames get into a relationship. I just sat back with my head tilted wondering, “Damn am I going to be the black gay Jennifer Aniston.”? you know single attractive but just can’t keep a man. Friends always.

Then the evil bitch pops out. I start seeing those acquaintances I know aren’t worth a damn just popping in and out relationships faster than Rihanna spews out albums. I know I sound evil and bitter as all hell. Honestly I kind of think this is a blessing in disguise. It’s just something that pops up when I am not busy. I will say though school has kept me really busy. I counted the hours that I am really home and it is really just to sleep. Maybe god is trying to keep me focused. Or maybe I am going to be Jennifer Aniston. lol.

So for those of you that have been paying attention to my habits lately you would realize that I have become quite the gym rat. Eating tons of calories and working out. My life has become obsessive with my body. I stopped for a second and thought to myself, “What am I doing this all for”.

I paid  a trainer for the first time to whip my butt into shape and boy was it a good investment. I am not going to lie it feels good turning the heads of those who wouldn’t pay me any mind. Then the thought came to my head, “If I have to do all this and stick to a script then whats going to happen when I mess up my lines?”

I’m at the gym I look over to my left and I see the group of twinks that I kinda know, but don’t really know, but only know one of them. They all have the designer work out gear, and here I am with just an old tee and some shorts. So I switch it up bought some new gear then while leaving the gym this guy gives me his number. I didn’t call it because quite frankly I didn’t know what to do.

So days go by I text him he texted me back. He was a cute latin guy mid to late 20s. I kept the convo cute and light then he dropped the bomb. “I’m married”. THe FUCK! I just deleted the number didn’t want to cuss him out and get my blood pressure all up.

Do I look like my name is Leanne Rhymes? I do NOT want to feel the wrath of a married woman. Plus my inner paranoia would kill me before she even got to me. I just cant do it. I kind of feel like the nerd in high school that once the hot chicks got to her and gave her a push up bra and a weave she got attention. The question is, “Is it the attention I want”?

Honestly I don’t like morphing myself to fit an equation. That’s kind of basic. I also don’t like being single. Yes I know I’m ranting.

I have been single for 25 years (I don’t count those little brief dating stints as actual real relationships), and I know what your thinking, “Why are you so obsessive about it”. It’s always the ones who have experienced it that say that.

I just kind of stopped myself and said, “What the fuck are you doing”? “Why are you trying so hard”? People always say oh don’t worry about it blah blah. It’s just that it is thrown in my face almost every day. My good friend is getting married and she was like, “You should bring a date”. I was like ummm…. whats that? lol

It’s like its always thrown in my face at many given moments. Like this week when I was in the city for Janet Jackson, (Which was an amazing concert) we went to the castro to dance. My good friend was like, “Go mingle talk”. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone I kind of just wanted to dance and just be.

I never realized how awkwardly shy I am when it comes to dating, or just talking to a guy. I always seem to someway manage to fuck it up by saying too much or too little. You can only play the, “Lift your shirt up and show your abs game” for so long. Its like the awkward character in a teen romance movie that stutters and says the most god awful things and gets the awkward look and silence. Yep that’s me.

I feel like a social leper of sorts in this town. Friends I can get just easily. It just seems like I get stuck in that, “Friend” zone all the time. Once a guy says, “Hey gurl” to me then it’s a wrap. Quite honestly I hate that shit. It’s as if I am doomed to be the unloveable don’t tell anyone we fuckedable awkward character that is there for comic relief in someone elses love story.

I’m not asking for an instant relationship, trust I see those all the time. They date, move in, love each other, plaster the relationship for everyone to see, and before next award season they are finished and onto the next. It’s just that what the fuck am I doing wrong? I kinda feel like I am saying too much in this piece but quite frankly I could give a fuck if someone thinks less of me for writing this. Thanks for the hit lol.

So I know I am going to ruffle some feathers on this but I am going to just say it. So this is something that has been on my mind for a while. I have been trying to find a way to configure it without offending people, but then I threw that out the door.

There is a gigantic elephant in the room of the gay world. That undertone race totum pole that sadly exists in our homosexual culture. Diversity, something that we strive for in the world and that we want to teach and be accepted, is something that we still lack.

We have marched down the streets fighting for our rights to wed, and to serve in the Military. The bond that was so strong after the 2008 Elections on Proposition 8 was strong. When Prop 8 passed in California all of the marches, and protests were extremely heart warming.

The bonding of the community was strong and united to fight for the right to be treated equally. In a society that still sees us as second class citizens yet we have progressed to elect Women, and various ethnicities into office.

We have Diversity in media as well. In the heterosexual world diversity is more accepted. Yes there are still some racist pricks out there, but diversity is more flourished in the Heterosexual world.

The reason why I said HETEROSEXUAL, is because after all of the diversity I have seen in the straight world I see it lacking in the gay world.

I had an experience that still has a bitter taste in my mouth. Last summer I had a stint shorter than Farrah Franklins stay as a go-go dancer at the local gay club, “Badlands”. It was fun dancing like a hooker and getting paid. Then when I got the phone call that they were letting me go because they “couldn’t afford” the new dancers something seemed eerily fishy.

I walk in there the next week and there are four new dancers not a single one darker than a shade of a paper bag. Now I know what your thinking, “Why are you making this a race thing”. It just seemed fishy, I got along with all the staff, patrons loved me and I made good tips. My friend Danny was telling me how his friend is a Dj there and the owner told him not to play too much “Ghetto” music.

His definition of ghetto is any song by a black artist that is not Beyoncé, Mariah, Whitney, or Rihanna and not laced over a techno beat. That statement itself pissed me off. Then I noticed that the advertisements, and promo posters for the club do not feature any Black models. All of the models are white, or latin.

The owner should have just said, “I don’t want any of those hoodrats in my damn club” and been done with it. It’s this underlying tone in the community that just URKS THE FUCK OUT OF ME. What makes me even more angry is that it’s so norm now that people actually accept it.

The only reason I still go out is because in Sacramento there are only a few venues for gays to go to and let their hair down. I could say, “I’m not giving those mothafuckas my money” and stay home but where would I go? Outside of the lavender heights district I also notice this subtle shade.

The lack of Black portrayal in gay culture creates this stigma that we aren’t good enough. If we aren’t Rupaul, or Tyger Tyson then they don’t really want us. I don’t like segregation. This is not 1956. I have friends of ALL races and cultures. I don’t see color I see attitude, and personality.

Modern day television and media tries to portray various cultures and ethnicities and even though we have more progress to endure we have come a long way.

 

The Cast of Glee, (Courtesy of 20th Century Fox)

 

Many popular shows, like the hit, Fox show, “Glee” features various cultures, and ethnicities. Now lets address the big elephant in the room.

Have you ever noticed that most of the time when ever there is a Gay character they happen to be white? If the Character happens to be a minority then either they are a drag queen, or on the down low. I will take any gay I can get on a regular program because that’s progress. (Two steps forward, one step back)

Now it is time to address the thing that has been URKING THE HELL OUT OF ME FOR QUITE SOME TIME!

First and foremost I am HAPPY about the Progress that the Gay community has had in society. We have Networks dedicated to us. We have Magazines, and we are on everyone’s radar.

Now I am not saying I expect a full on Blackout in gay media but seriously, as a black gay man I do NOT feel represented. There is a somewhat racial totem pole in the gay community.

Whites on top, then asian/latino in second, then African-Americans. Now I know what your thinking, “Damn Clifton your being a little harsh aren’t you”?

Well take for instance the popular reality show on Logo, “The A-List:New York”. Pitched as the Gay mans version of The Real Housewives franchise, set in New York features your typical Cookie Cutter, white blond, Gym bunny, catty queens, with a latin or two in the mix.

What I don’t understand is how are you going to be in New York without ANY Black guys. NONE!

I know one of them is married to a black man but still. NONE! I’m sorry Logo we are ALL not Catty, gym obsessed white guys.

The Cast of Noah's Arc (Courtesy of LoGo/Viacom)

 

One show that really stuck out for me was the Amazing and Astounding, “Noah’s Arc”. The brainchild of the uber talented, Patrick Ian Polk,” Noah’s Arc”, displayed black gay men in a new light. Unlike its Predecessor, “Queer as Folk”.

“Noah’s Arc”, featured a vary of gay black men that covered the Masc, Fem, Queen, Dreamer, uppity queen, and hoe spectrum. I liked the fact that for ONCE I felt represented in gay media. The show was on the air for only two seasons but its lasting impact as positive for the black gay community.

Representing a culture is a hard thing to do. There are still many cultures who are not represented, (Native American, Indian, Russian ect). The diversity strides that we see in the heterosexual world should also be mirrored in our world. How can we ask for equality when we are not equal ourselves.

 

So I have noticed something about the new age of dating. Escaping the inevitable online social dating sites is like asking Ke$ha to do an MTV Unplugged. It isn’t going to happen. Dating is a word that now has so many sub meanings. In the pre internet days (1999 LOL) Dating was meeting someone at a restraunt talking getting to know them and working your way from there. Keeping it cute on the first date. The highlight of the second date is to get that kiss and move from there.

Now with everything moving so fast pace with the internet (GRINDR, A4A ECT) It feels as though its like an audition process. Like you must pull out all the Stunts and Shows before the appolo man snatches you off stage. So I did a little experiment on those sites.

Yes I know you cannot find Husband material on the Internet but I just decided to see what happened.

I posted a normal picture. Clothing on giving you Meadowview bound train realness, Sent out a couple of heys, NOTHING. So the next day I changed the picture to something a bit more, ahem “Alluring”.

Bam, “Hey, Hey man how are you whats going on” Mind you these are all men that I have seen in the gym, club, school, and or at work. I look them dead in the eye and say, “Have a good day” when they come into my workplace.

I just laugh because its apparent that I have to put on stunts and shows to garner a mans attention. I don’t like feeling like I have to compete for someones attention. This is not a reality show.

I do find myself doing it from time to time either to A. See what happens, or B. boost this little ego of mine for 2.5 seconds. The question is this, What happens when they finally respond? Are they worthy suitors because you met them online?

I know I sound like I am over thinking this but in this day and age people are so damn pussyfied to start things off with a regular public conversation that we all resort to this shit. Why? lol I know I am rambling on and on. I can’t sleep. I’m going to put on some Miss Baker and close my eyes.

Lady GaGa, "Born This Way" Cover Courtesy of , Interscope Records.

So after MANY weeks of Hype from various blogs, websites, and Stan wars, Lady Gaga, has released he long-awaited single, “Born This Way”. So I skidded my black ass down to YouTube to check it out. I had to let it simmer for a day to FULLY take it in. Now yes I am one of the FEW gays that can actually APPRECIATE, more than ONE POP ARTIST AT A TIME.

I love some good ol Britney, I love to get Rude with Rihanna, Throw Punches with Pink, and go Goo Goo for GAGA. I can like em all. Now onto the great Britney Vs. GaGa debate before I get into the review. Britney is like that friend from childhood that has seen you grow up knows all your tee and vice versa. You held her hair when she vomited and cuddled her when she cried and vice versa. GaGa, is that friend that you met while clubbing she gives you life and gives you fun. Both are good and none better than the other.

With that said STOP WITH THE THEY ARE BOTH WHITE AND SING POP SO LETS PIT THEM AGAINST EACH OTHER DEBACLE.

Lets get into this song the positives first.

The message though very cheeky is an amazing message, “Dont be a drag just be a queen, whether your broke or evergreen” “Rejoice and love yourself today cuz baby you were born this way”. With all the suicides happening across the country and many people having insecurities about themselves this is a perfect, “Take me as I am” anthem.

The Negatives.

The song has a very dated feel to it. As my friend Kris, said, “It sounds like a song played at the end of, “Queer as Folk”. I do see a group of Cookie Cutter, white, toned gays making out as the credits roll when I hear this song. This song also has a melody that is reminiscent of Madonna’s, “Express Yourself”

Here is why the song is going to take a second to grow on me. Lady GaGa has some very HAINTY ASS FANS! Britney Spears released the Album title and Cover art for her upcoming release, “Femme Fatale” and fans tweeted a storm so much that it was a TT during Superbowl.

Gaga’s “Monsters”, were not having it so besides of just tweeting, “Born This Way” to get the song in a higher position they banned together to spam, “Femme Fatale” to place it off the TT list all together. HAINTY. Also whenever an artist does anything that resembles weird strange or out there, the “Monsters” come with a lynch mob of “Shes copying GaGa”.

That is exactly why I wasnt as impressed with, “Born This Way” as I was with, “Bad Romance”. I still love GaGa but no shade she did not create the sun, earth, the moon, or “Express Yourself”. I don’t see Madonna fans tweeting, “everyone’s copying madge”. I don’t see Patti LaBelle Tweeting, “Chile these hoes including, Madge are copying me”. I don’t see Jesus C Christ Tweeting, “If you hoes don’t stop arguing Im snatching all of your wigs”!

With that said I give the song a B-, C+

 B- without the stan war bullshit, C+ with it.

Yes I said it, and I wrote it lol.  The song like a flaccid penis is a grower def not a shower. Will it show, I don’t know I will have to wait and see.

What you see is what you get

Posted: November 15, 2010 in Uncategorized
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You should never try to change me I can be nobody else and I like the way I am!!!!