Posts Tagged ‘dating’

My New DIet

Posted: December 5, 2012 in Uncategorized
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I know you are thinking this is a easy tip as to how you can get a booty like mine but it isn’t about food. It is about your mind, and heart. So as for many of those who know me well know that my love life, or lack there of is kinda blah. So I decided to go on a diet, a date diet.

For the next two months I am restricting myself from attempting to date, and or get to know guys. I know this sounds crazy but in all honesty that focus and energy needs to be put into myself. Every week I am going to do something by myself (or with friends) that I REALLY want to do. Weather it is, Shopping, going to a movie, taking a dance class, or just going on a little adventure.

I see it as this, if I can’t enjoy my time by myself how is someone going to enjoy their time with me. All that Grindr, A4A, and etc isn’t good for ones, mind, and or social skills. It is OK to mingle and talk to new people, just don’t jump on this, “Oh he fine lemme holla at him” bandwagon.

A friend said, “What about when you need to fulfill your lust-full needs”? I said, “That is what the Internet is for, watch a movie, spill some kids and you good”. The whole point is to focus on YOU. so here is to day 4.

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Is it really the answer to everything?

Posted: September 21, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Something you must have in order to survive, “A Man”. Sandra seems to say the thing that has been on my mind for a while. Yes I know, I know, another post about men. So lately I have been wondering, ” What the fuck am I doing wrong?”

The past few weeks I have seen everyone from friends, former crushes, and flames get into a relationship. I just sat back with my head tilted wondering, “Damn am I going to be the black gay Jennifer Aniston.”? you know single attractive but just can’t keep a man. Friends always.

Then the evil bitch pops out. I start seeing those acquaintances I know aren’t worth a damn just popping in and out relationships faster than Rihanna spews out albums. I know I sound evil and bitter as all hell. Honestly I kind of think this is a blessing in disguise. It’s just something that pops up when I am not busy. I will say though school has kept me really busy. I counted the hours that I am really home and it is really just to sleep. Maybe god is trying to keep me focused. Or maybe I am going to be Jennifer Aniston. lol.

So for those of you that have been paying attention to my habits lately you would realize that I have become quite the gym rat. Eating tons of calories and working out. My life has become obsessive with my body. I stopped for a second and thought to myself, “What am I doing this all for”.

I paid  a trainer for the first time to whip my butt into shape and boy was it a good investment. I am not going to lie it feels good turning the heads of those who wouldn’t pay me any mind. Then the thought came to my head, “If I have to do all this and stick to a script then whats going to happen when I mess up my lines?”

I’m at the gym I look over to my left and I see the group of twinks that I kinda know, but don’t really know, but only know one of them. They all have the designer work out gear, and here I am with just an old tee and some shorts. So I switch it up bought some new gear then while leaving the gym this guy gives me his number. I didn’t call it because quite frankly I didn’t know what to do.

So days go by I text him he texted me back. He was a cute latin guy mid to late 20s. I kept the convo cute and light then he dropped the bomb. “I’m married”. THe FUCK! I just deleted the number didn’t want to cuss him out and get my blood pressure all up.

Do I look like my name is Leanne Rhymes? I do NOT want to feel the wrath of a married woman. Plus my inner paranoia would kill me before she even got to me. I just cant do it. I kind of feel like the nerd in high school that once the hot chicks got to her and gave her a push up bra and a weave she got attention. The question is, “Is it the attention I want”?

Honestly I don’t like morphing myself to fit an equation. That’s kind of basic. I also don’t like being single. Yes I know I’m ranting.

I have been single for 25 years (I don’t count those little brief dating stints as actual real relationships), and I know what your thinking, “Why are you so obsessive about it”. It’s always the ones who have experienced it that say that.

I just kind of stopped myself and said, “What the fuck are you doing”? “Why are you trying so hard”? People always say oh don’t worry about it blah blah. It’s just that it is thrown in my face almost every day. My good friend is getting married and she was like, “You should bring a date”. I was like ummm…. whats that? lol

It’s like its always thrown in my face at many given moments. Like this week when I was in the city for Janet Jackson, (Which was an amazing concert) we went to the castro to dance. My good friend was like, “Go mingle talk”. I really didn’t want to talk to anyone I kind of just wanted to dance and just be.

I never realized how awkwardly shy I am when it comes to dating, or just talking to a guy. I always seem to someway manage to fuck it up by saying too much or too little. You can only play the, “Lift your shirt up and show your abs game” for so long. Its like the awkward character in a teen romance movie that stutters and says the most god awful things and gets the awkward look and silence. Yep that’s me.

I feel like a social leper of sorts in this town. Friends I can get just easily. It just seems like I get stuck in that, “Friend” zone all the time. Once a guy says, “Hey gurl” to me then it’s a wrap. Quite honestly I hate that shit. It’s as if I am doomed to be the unloveable don’t tell anyone we fuckedable awkward character that is there for comic relief in someone elses love story.

I’m not asking for an instant relationship, trust I see those all the time. They date, move in, love each other, plaster the relationship for everyone to see, and before next award season they are finished and onto the next. It’s just that what the fuck am I doing wrong? I kinda feel like I am saying too much in this piece but quite frankly I could give a fuck if someone thinks less of me for writing this. Thanks for the hit lol.

So I have noticed something about the new age of dating. Escaping the inevitable online social dating sites is like asking Ke$ha to do an MTV Unplugged. It isn’t going to happen. Dating is a word that now has so many sub meanings. In the pre internet days (1999 LOL) Dating was meeting someone at a restraunt talking getting to know them and working your way from there. Keeping it cute on the first date. The highlight of the second date is to get that kiss and move from there.

Now with everything moving so fast pace with the internet (GRINDR, A4A ECT) It feels as though its like an audition process. Like you must pull out all the Stunts and Shows before the appolo man snatches you off stage. So I did a little experiment on those sites.

Yes I know you cannot find Husband material on the Internet but I just decided to see what happened.

I posted a normal picture. Clothing on giving you Meadowview bound train realness, Sent out a couple of heys, NOTHING. So the next day I changed the picture to something a bit more, ahem “Alluring”.

Bam, “Hey, Hey man how are you whats going on” Mind you these are all men that I have seen in the gym, club, school, and or at work. I look them dead in the eye and say, “Have a good day” when they come into my workplace.

I just laugh because its apparent that I have to put on stunts and shows to garner a mans attention. I don’t like feeling like I have to compete for someones attention. This is not a reality show.

I do find myself doing it from time to time either to A. See what happens, or B. boost this little ego of mine for 2.5 seconds. The question is this, What happens when they finally respond? Are they worthy suitors because you met them online?

I know I sound like I am over thinking this but in this day and age people are so damn pussyfied to start things off with a regular public conversation that we all resort to this shit. Why? lol I know I am rambling on and on. I can’t sleep. I’m going to put on some Miss Baker and close my eyes.